Last night, there was a big storm. It woke Gabby up and she cried briefly. I didn't need to go in, I never do anymore, which is a relief.
In the morning, I heard her wake up and start talking to her Elmo and Woody. I'm able to linger in the morning before getting her now, which allows me to really wake up first. Then I thought, "why would I ever want to deal with a newborn again?"
I realized I don't have a good answer to that question. I know Gabby will be a bit spoiled if it's just her, but she is naturally outgoing and empathetic. I don't really worry about her being a nasty little princess.
The selfish and nervous part of me wants to have a second "just in case," but I know nothing would ever lessen the blow if something happened to her.
Then realize that the most intense reason I want a second child is because it's expected. It's what my friends, family, and society expect of me. Another compelling reason is for the "do over," the chance to do it better the second time around.
When I get right to the heart of things, I love my life, as is. I want Gabby to have a close bound with me and Lee, and another child would just get in the way of that. Financially, and emotionally we're better off with one. I just feel all this pressure to have another, and between that and hormones, it's hard to keep my wits.
We got the girl we both wanted. She's everything we could want, why mess with perfection, right?
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