I detailed my breastfeeding story and how Gabby just couldn't breastfeed. But, when breastfeeding advocates fail to get the full story, or even a brief summary of the story, they tend to judge. "Breast is best, you're not doing what's best." Ouch. That doesn't help anyone. For my child, breast wasn't best, formula was. Deal with it.
Anything in the "Attachment Parenting" genre seems to illicit some extreme reactions from both sides. Those int he AP camp think any parent that puts their kid in a baby swing, or lets a toddler cry a little before falling asleep, are obviously abusive and negligent (obviously). Meanwhile, those on the other end, people like my mother, think it's insane not to have a baby Cry It Out by the time they are six months old. Her thoughts on co-sleeping? Coddling. Let a child choose their own outfit? No way. A parent should choose all clothing until the child is 12 (no lie, she picked out all my clothes until I was 12, and then wondered why I rebelled and dyed my hair purple).
Parenting isn't this cut and dry thing, though. It's complicated, and you have to do what's best for each kid at that moment in time. I never let Gabby cry without being comforted for the entire first year of her life, and she cried a lot. When she passed a year, though, and decided to go on a very calculated sleep strike, I had to put an end to it. She was very obviously choosing to throw a tantrum every night when I would put her in her crib because she wanted to stay up and play all night long (she's a major night owl). There is a huge difference between a baby crying because they need their parent for some reason, and a toddler throwing a tantrum because they don't want to go to bed. Did I use CIO? I wouldn't call it that, but she did cry, and I didn't go get her. So, if I'm a terrible parent for that, so be it. However, after two nights, she learned that she needs to get all her playing done with before bed, and she's been just fine. Amazingly, she doesn't seem to have suffered any severe psychological damage either! Imagine that.
Based on this, some people would instantly write me off as "bad mom." They would assume that bottle-propped while watching Jerry Springer, smoking a Parliament, and ignored my kid swinging away in her motorized swing. Life isn't that simple, though, and anyone who thinks it is, is the simple one.
No, I never owned a baby swing. Gabby was worn in a soft-structured carrier from a month old until she didn't want to be anymore (about six months). I never bottle-propped, either. In fact, Gabby has never held her own bottle, ever. It's always been a very snuggly time (well, after she stopped writhing in agony during feeds, that is). I don't watch Jerry Springer, and I quit smoking in High School (err... umm.. I didn't smoke in High School, right. Shh...) For every choice along the road of parenting I've chosen the best choice for us, which is not always the "best choice."
Before Gabby was born, I knew I wanted her to stay in her rear-facing car seat until she was two years old. I had read all the studies that said it was much safer, and obviously, that was the best thing for my kid. I didn't count on her having a major digestive disturbance, and I certainly didn't expect her to get severely carsick on very short rides (five minutes was all it took). She was getting so sick on every car ride, that her doctor (my uncle), told us she needed to be flipped forward facing, the sooner the better. She was only six months old when he made this recommendation. I held out until she was 9 months old, but it was getting to be really bad. Even the car safety experts will say that when a child is getting sick because of rear-facing seats, it is better to flip them early, then allow them to continue getting sick on every car ride. Even though it's not the "best choice" to flip a kid early, it was for us. She's only gotten sick once since, and it was because my mom took us on a very windy ride, even I felt yucky afterward.
Judging other parents doesn't do us any good. It may make someone feel better to compare themselves to someone else, and say, "I'm better because I do xyz," but it's not true. You can't tell a whole story from a snapshot, and it's foolish to try. Blanket statements, beliefs and comments help no one, and the inflexible person, is the one that will be forced to break in the end.
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